loneliness

today, once again i felt like a loser. every couple i know went out together. even my besties, munah and sepul yg da 2months broke up pon da made up. they went for a dinner beside a lake. jealous kn? aku yg ada boyfriend ni pon mcm single. i envy them. i totally envy them. all of them!

menstrual. my emotion went up and down. mostly down. 

he. rarely been with me. feel like i am totally have no one. yeah, i do miss him. but looks like he didnt. 

changed. yes, he did. he is not like the one knew last 4 years. i rememberd he once went to my house just because he miss me eventhough he knew i wasnt at home at that time. he said to me, " x le tgk huny pon, tgk rumah pon jadi". he also once he called me and said. " by betol2 da jadi gle sbb syg. by nmpk muka syg kt syiling. pejam mata pon nmpk syg."

hurmm that was him 4 years ago. well, people changed. i barely heard those sweet nowadays. all i heard just "syg x caye kn by?". that's all it. 

i have a realy big problem. lack of self confidence. yes, i am. pelikkan? i always jokely tell people that i feel beautiful. but those just jokes! i dont feel i am beautiful.

saya takot sgt dia x syg saya mcm dlu sbb dia da kenal ramai pmpuan cantik. dia sllu ckp yg dia boleh sgt dpt pmpuan cantik tp sbb dia syg saya, dia x buat mcm tu. tp saya taw, deep down inside, he wants someone beautiful to be his girl. not like me. messy, clumsy girl.

mungkin sbb tu dia menjauh kini.

note: maaf sbb saya x secantik kawan awk.